Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
time to smoke my breakfast
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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