i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
