Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize