Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
