There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
