i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
