His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
