i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
