you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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