i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
