We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
