How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
