No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
