dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
