I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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