After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
