When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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