I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is Oprah even human
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
