just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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