Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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