I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
