im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He kissed a someone with a penis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
