Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
