talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
