She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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