omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
