Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im holly from the hills drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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