Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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