i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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