Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
