I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
