i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
