I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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