i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
