I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
