Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
