hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
