Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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