smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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