I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
