I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I could have mohawked her pubes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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