ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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