how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
