Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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