The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
