Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
