Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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