I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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