I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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