Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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