I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize