What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
