I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
