is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
