My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
