Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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