I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
