I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
