My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
