People with herpes should wear stickers.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
