I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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