White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So much rum. So many feels.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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