how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
