she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
