why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
