so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
