Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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